*Disclaimer , this post was written a few weeks ago, doing, mostly, better now. *
Last week I hit a wall. Instead of realizing I had hit a wall and taking a personal day I ended up crying in front of my manager in the office. So yeh, that sucked.
My manager was very understanding and supportive and sent me home to take some time. I had worked 12 hour days for two weeks straight and, oh yeh, am living in a foreign country without family or any close friends for support. A few days away from work were helpful but I’m still kicking myself that I didn’t realize earlier that I needed time off. I have never cried in front of anyone at work before ( always privately , in the bathroom , like a good engineer) so this was an extra big personal fail.
Why did I have a mini meltdown?
- >12 hours of work for two weeks straight = not enough sleep= weepy
- “Home” sickness- also known as , man I miss hanging out with people who actually know me.
Home sickness is a weird concept for me , considering I haven’t lived anywhere longer than 5 years and have lived in three countries in the past year alone. But lately Ive just missed having people. People who know me and are like me. Let me be clear, by “like me” I don’t mean American , I mean nerdy , introverted and just a bit weird. In all of my many moves growing up, I go through the same pattern. First , some cool kids “adopt” you because you are new and exciting. Second, said cool kids realize you are an introverted weirdo and abandon you. Third , eventually your fellow weirdos find you and you form a tiny, weird, community. Same thing in Oregon, same thing in Pennsylvania, same damn thing in Karatsu, Japan.
I’m a grown up now , so the first two steps may or may not apply, depending on the situation but I’m still waiting for step three to kick in. It takes a while, it always takes a while. Logically I know this, I know that this is a phase and that it will pass but somehow knowing that doesn’t make me feel much better.
I’ve met lots of cool people and done lots of cool things since arriving in Singapore. I really like it here, but its just not home yet and it wont be for a while. I just need to hang in there , resist the urge to constantly hide in my room and keep putting myself out there ( which as an introvert, takes a hell of a lot of energy).
Like the little fishy says- Just keep swimming. And next time, take a day off work.
Also- there is a movie called “Finding Dory” coming out in June, I for one am excited.